One of the questions I am often asked is this:

“If our loved ones are still around us, why can’t we simply sit down and have a conversation with them?”

It is an understandable question.

After all, many people believe that if someone in spirit still exists, surely they could simply talk to us, answer our questions, and tell us exactly what to do in life.

But after more than 50 years of working as a medium, through clairvoyance and trance mediumship, I have found there are important reasons why it does not work like that.

What Is Trance Mediumship?

Before going further, it is worth briefly explaining trance mediumship.

Trance mediumship is when a spirit communicator speaks through a trained medium. In simple terms, someone who has passed from the Earth plane uses the medium’s voice and body to communicate.

People often hear about trance and assume this means they could simply ask their loved one anything they want and receive direct answers.

But it is not quite that simple.

The Importance of Free Will

The biggest reason spirit cannot simply come through and tell you what to do is because of free will.

We are all here to live our own lives and make our own decisions.

When loved ones come through during clairvoyance, they often bring reassurance, love, memories, and evidence that they are still around. They may acknowledge what is happening in your life and remind you that they are supporting you.

But what they generally will not do is interfere.

They are not there to control your decisions or tell you exactly what path to take.

That may sound frustrating at first.

You may think:

“If they can see everything, why wouldn’t they just tell me what to do?”

But the answer is simple — because this life is your journey.

Spirit Gives Guidance, Not Instructions

This does not mean spirit cannot help.

In fact, I recently gave a reading over Zoom to a lady who was seeking reassurance and direction in her life.

I did not know her question beforehand, but those in spirit came close and mentioned things that clearly meant something to her. They gave comfort, reassurance, and understanding in a way I could never have known myself.

That is often how spirit works.

Rather than telling someone, “Do this, don’t do that,” they provide strength, encouragement, and signs to help someone find their own way.

Think of it like someone gently holding your hand rather than pulling you down a road.

Why Difficult Experiences Matter

There is another important reason spirit does not interfere too much.

Life here is one great learning experience.

Think about the people you trust most when life becomes difficult.

Usually, it is someone who has already been through what you are facing.

If you are struggling with grief, illness, heartbreak, or hardship, often the best advice comes from someone who truly understands because they have experienced it themselves.

The difficulties we go through shape us.

Hardships make us stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. They help us grow into the people we are meant to become.

From what I understand through spirit, this growth is one of the reasons we are here.

Seeing Life From the Other Side

When someone passes into the spirit world, they gain what many mediums describe as spiritual sight.

In simple terms, they see life more clearly.

They understand experiences in a different way and often see the bigger picture of our lives.

Our loved ones can see what we are going through.

They understand our struggles, our worries, and sometimes even the difficult times that may lie ahead.

But because they love us, they do not remove those lessons from us.

Just like a loving parent cannot live life for their child, spirit cannot live life for us.

Think About Your Own Children

If you have children — or even think back to when you were younger yourself — you may understand this more clearly.

Parents often give advice:

“Be careful.”

“Don’t make that mistake.”

“Think about what you are doing.”

But children do not always listen.

Sometimes people have to experience things for themselves before truly understanding.

And often, later in life, they look back and think:

“Now I understand why they said that.”

Spirit sees us in much the same way.

Not in a controlling sense, but lovingly.

They guide us where they can, send strength, love, prayers, and reassurance — but they also allow us to grow through experience.

Why Spirit Cannot Simply Tell You What to Do

So why can’t your loved ones simply return and have a full conversation, telling you exactly how to live your life?

Because it would take away the very lessons you are here to learn.

Life is not about avoiding every mistake or hardship.

It is about learning, growing, and becoming stronger through experience.

Those in spirit love us deeply.

And because they love us, they allow us to live our own lives.

They may guide us gently.

They may reassure us.

They may let us know they are still close.

But ultimately, this journey belongs to us.

And perhaps, in the end, that is one of the greatest acts of love they can give.